Pupating (Silk, Part Three)

The Lady Bombyx Mori Speaks of Kaiko Yashinai-gusa

III. Pupating (15 days)

This is the time of dreams, if
I survive them. Vague, and kind,
they occlude the strange fever
of this, my transformation,
from direct observation;
these mind’s endorphins
eclipse the pain, the twisting
that companions reshaping,
this reformation of self,
unendurable awake.

“Oblivion soave
i dolci sentimenti.”

Dreams tell me what I cannot
yet bear to know about what
I am becoming, changes
unimagined. What drove me
to this necessary strength
and unsought intermezzo
of freedom and tenderness
of new skin, wings, belief?

Goddess of Silk, Lady Luna,
Mother of all the Bombyx clan,
it is your soprano song that shapes me,
your night and your dreams that arch over me.

Blindness of the heart and mind,
yet not total. The body
saw perhaps too much, and knew
the same, keeping awareness
just at arm’s length, still too near —
a smaller oblivion,
mist thinning in the sunlight,
dreams blurring the boundary
between dark and light. This night,
this long self-imposed twilight,

it was dreams that have torn loose
the grayed out past and revealed
a new future, possible
but never before conceived.
Nothing changed but memory,
and from that every new path
unwound, including the one
in which I become wholely
changed, unrecognizable
yet always familiar.

Goddess of Silk, Lady Luna,
Mother of all the Bombyx clan,
it is your shell, your sweetness, your
wings that hold me and keep me from breaking.

Likewise this clouded landscape,
newly fertile and hopeful,
with faith no longer fragile.
Slowly and transparently,
as dawn burns away the clouds,
these dreams lead me toward a trust,
a comfort unfamiliar
and yet recognizable.
I begin to realize
there is something more waiting.

Goddess Lady Mother, thank you.

Written: January – February 2001.

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